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The Evil Pirate
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Good Morning from Philadelphia, with some great news for the Geeseter…!
Well? Thanksgiving was yesterday here in the American Empire & I have a lot to be thankful for & the first thing that I am thankful for is the fact that I can finally tell you that Mrs. Geese & I are back together again & she is on her way to help me get through these deathly dangerous times with my health! A long time before my post last month, I posted the fact that when news, slash gossip, slash whatever came out about Chiaki years ago & her supposed boyfriend or whatever!? I said way back then that relationships are hard enough & you are either in them & not hiding or not in them & then you make it clear to EVERYONE that nothing is going on & KNOCK IT OFF! But when you have to hide & conceal & go above & beyond, then you can’t even enjoy BEING WITH WHOMEVER YOU LOVE, because you have a million-&-one stipulations! Rules! REGULATIONS! TERMS & CONDITIONS! And flat out CRAP! Where you can’t even proudly say;
“Yes! This is the person I am with! Now get off my f’n back & get out of my FACE ABOUT IT!”
When you can’t even enjoy the relationship & it becomes more complicated than it should be, then it’s time to start doing some serious soul searching & decision-making about what your priorities are & where this other person fits into your life! AND THAT!? Was the reason why I posted what I posted about what was going on between myself & my woman! I needed her TO SEE how much of a priority SHE HAS BECOME IN MY LIFE & it is a CHOICE THAT I HAVE WILLINGLY MADE BECAUSE SHE IS WHO I WANT TO BE WITH AND NEED TO BE WITH! And when a person gains that kind of position in another person’s life, it is rarely talked about enough, how much of an impact they truly do have ON THE ONE THEY ARE WITH!
I come from the United States & we are flawed as all f’n hell, especially right now! But one thing we do push as a country, no matter what race or ethnicity of American you are, is communication! Another thing we push EXTENSIVELY IS, NO GUTS! NO GLORY! If you are not going to do the work needed to get to wherever you need to get to, become whatever you are going to become & do what you need to do to achieve whatever sights you’ve set for yourself, then guess what!? THAT’S YOUR FAULT! PERIOD! Which was why the post was titled, We are what we make of ourselves! Even as a-hole backwards as we can be & have been, it is a known fact that if you aren’t able to talk & express yourself or speak up for yourself, it doesn’t matter where you come from on this world, you’re gonna have problems! And you’re gonna become angry over not being able to speak or speak up WHEN YOU SHOULD & NEED TO & then constantly having things go wrong because of it. When you don’t have the COURAGE OF YOUR OWN CONVICTIONS, then you are gonna stumble & fall & waver, at the worst times! When you are NEEDED THE MOST!
I have reduced my posting to a crawl on here because I’m not getting what I need to get done, done! And it is on all fronts, but one of my biggest problems has been steadily declining health. Another factor has been the fact that I value my relationships above personal success. I’m not an I wanna-be-rich type of man. I have seen that destroy members of my family where they have done things that frankly should have sent them to jail, but ended up being worse for them! They lost parts of their humanity where they were always IN SOMETHING. Always DOING SOMETHING where it’s like; Do you realllllllllllllllllllllllllly need to do that? Do you understand what will happen if that goes south on you or f’s up? You know what, do what you’re doing, but NOT AROUND ME. I’ve told you enough times that what you’re doing is wrong & you clearly can’t buy a vowel & get a clue, so you can’t stay anywhere near me! Because I don’t want your drama blowing up in your face & then blowing up in my face by default, because I’m standing too close to you!
There are former members of this forum that I KNOW are reading this & know first-hand about how I am, where I don’t f-around with the dumb s----t! What you just got caught doing was totally unnecessary, I don’t need to hear your lame excuses. Be about your business & leave me alone. And I am totally comfortable with being that way & it has been shown to all of you as readers by the times that I have been the literal, ONLY PERSON who posted here at points. I have my beliefs. I have my doubts & I have my understanding of the fact that everything is relative & should have a set of guidelines to work between where you’re looking to make THE BEST DECISION POSSIBLE FOR THAT PARTICULAR SITUATION YOU ARE IN & THAT IF THE BEST DECISION POSSIBLE AT THAT TIME IS TO WAIT, THEN YOU DO THAT! BUT YOU ONLY DO THAT IF THAT IS THE BEST DECISION FOR THAT TIME WHERE THE REALITY IS THAT YOU DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO WAIT FOREVER.
Circumstances do play their part in everybody’s life, but before those circumstances pushing or pulling you one way or another, you had or have your own goals. And to achieve a goal, YOU NEED A PLAN! Yesterday on Thanksgiving Day I was sitting with my eldest surrogate son & we saw former American Football Player & coach, Herm Edwards, on ESPN. And he said flat out;
“Goals, without a plan, IS A WISH!” and Herm Edwards is INTENSE! He is no BS & he gives it EVERYTHING HE’S GOT & HE SAID IT AGAIN “You can have all the GOALS YOU WANT! WHAT IS YOUR PLANNNNNNNNNNNNN! HOW WILL YOU ACCOMPLISH YOUR GOAL! IF YOU DON’T HAVE A PLAN TO BE ABLE TO REACH YOUR GOAL, then all you have is a wish.”
And all of that amounts to the fact that Arkadian, it is not that Mrs. Geese is flaky, WHICH SHE CAN BE AT TIMES, NO BULLS----------T! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAH! BUT!??!? It’s the other F-word, that I have seen since we were friends, that just completely… stop her cold.
Fear. Fear is by far, one of the more complicated & sometimes most destructive emotions that people can have. And when fear gets a hold of a human being, it can cause a normally sane, rational person, to do some weird, wonky, crazy, S-----T! Other times!? FEAR! Can make the meekest mofo become the bravest mouse in the minefield! I have no idea how many times I used to read accounts from WW II vets talking about how much fear they felt! When they hit that beach! When they heard those sirens!? When they had to race up outta their bunks & get to battle stations at some ungodly hour! I myself know full-well what it’s like to feel that fear of having to deal with someone where, you don’t know what kind of crap they’re gonna try to pull out of their hat & you gotta go up in there & have to stand next to them & then go through BS & not lose your cool while they’re blatantly lying about things that are way too damn important for them to be even playing like this! BUT TO THEM, it’s okay, because they’re bitter & driven only by that bitterness towards me.
Can make you do some of the bravest things or things that once it’s over & done with, the only thing you’re doing is trying to get as far away as possible from people that know you or PEOPLE THAT SAW YOU, RUN AWAY FROM WHERE YOU WERE NEEDED! RUN AWAY FROM WHERE YOU COULD HELP! RUN AWAY FROM THE PEOPLE THAT NEEDED YOU THE MOST! Because you were afraid…
And that was why I posted BOTH POST! Because I needed Mrs. Geese to see what she was doing & just how much she’d just hurt me. When I typed those posts, I made it clear that I know she has responsibilities. I know she would be giving up a lot, but when you’re seriously talking about marriage & have done SO MUCH TO GET TO THIS POINT!? It is one thing, when you just can’t do it anymore, you know!? It is one thing where it’s like, enough is enough, I’m getting off here. You DO THAT, when you know you don’t want to go any further. Don’t want to be IN WHATEVER YOU ARE IN, DOING WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING! But when you freeze up & you start with the deer in the headlights look & then the cold sweats start & it’s like;
I gotta get outta here! I gotta get outta here!
And you’re running back-&-forth looking for a way out because you’re afraid! It does something to not only the person who is panicking because of their fear, but it also does something to whomever sees it, too. And when my woman, MY WOMAN! When Mrs. Geese started doing that, I knew exactly why she was doing it. Because it had hit home with her that… Damn…. It’s time for me to leave…. It’s time for me to leave my friends…. My family…. And worse, my children can’t come right now, because he wasn’t able to get where he needed to get to…. And now… If I don’t go…? He never will.
She has seen & experienced with me, just how close I’ve come a couple of times, where even she has said to me that she’d never seen someone with such a will to live. And she looks up to her old man & she doesn’t mind being the Robin to my Batman, but when she heard ME. ASK HER FOR HER HELP LIKE THAT? It shook her man, all bulls----t aside, IT SHOOK THE S------T OUT OF HER, BECAUSE FOR HER!? I AM THE ROCK THAT KEEPS S------T STEADY AND IT’S LIKE, WHOA BIG-FELLA, HOLY!?!?!? YOU ALL RIGHT!?!?! When she finally saw that I am JUST AS HUMAN AS SHE IS & AS SUCH I HAVE MY LIMITS! And there is nothing to talk about, we spent days talking even after I posted those posts back in October, because I backed off of her & said;
Okay, let’s try to just make it to March & when you get here we can go from there. But when that s-----t hit me again where it’s like;
AY MUTHAFUCKA YOU CAN’T GUARANTEE YOU’LL MAKE IT TO MARCH!
I told her & she realized that, it’s that time. And you all know that nothing is worse than a high pressure situation where, YOU’RE NOT READY FOR IT! AND YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO PUT UP OR SHUT-UP! And for her, in our relationship, we both have ideas & goals, but she will be the first to tell you; Shawn makes the plans & I support him with those.
So for me to turn to her & say, I can’t do this anymore, you have to come help me. SHE KNEW THAT S-----T WAS SERIOUS & IT PUT THAT FEAR IN HER WHERE SHE FROZE. We have had a lot of long, long talks and shared a lot of tears over the last twenty-four hours, too! And it was the long talks part THAT was one of the main reasons why I posted the original long post at the top. Now, why am I telling you this, why am I POSTING this? Because I knew when I made the very first post that at some point or another she would read it & I needed her to see exactly what she had done & what she was doing. I’m not asking her to be Rambo-Bena, but we all know that nothing derails a relationship faster than when the person you love shows hesitation to be there for you when you need them. And I was not expecting the response I got & it threw me off & there is never a good time to experience something like that, but I knew that this was also a big time test FOR HER, where the reality was that it meant that it was time for her to leave all of the things she’d known her entire life & for me, I know that is nothing to dismiss either. So I was looking for a means to get across my point so she would see exactly what was at stake & more importantly, elements of what I’d written in that first post, were actually major issues that I knew that once she got her feet back underneath her she’d see “S----t!? That is NOT how I wanted to handle that & not what I’d ever want to hear from him if I was in the same situation.”
Now, as you already know, if you give a damn, Thanksgiving here in the US has passed some time ago. I hadn’t posted this post & actually had it saved on my computer because my main thing was getting things straightened out on the home front FIRST, before even thinking about posting a follow-up here. Now that we have gotten ourselves in order, now I can come back on here & address & explain the real reasons behind why I had bothered to post on here in the first place. I’ve been very happy about how things have turned around & the fact that she was able to snap out of her fears & really look at how much I mean to her & then just be straight-up honest with me where, it is some seriously scary s----t when you know you are about to leave your homeland or HAVE TO LEAVE family, friends, & the things that you know & have known your whole life, to not only go to a foreign land, but also!? Know that the person has a serious medical condition where they’re now in a situation where they HAVE TO ask for help from you because their everyday, day-to-day life, has become a constant uphill battle!
But it also has more of an impact when you look up to & admire the person, as much as she admires & looks up to me. We were friends before we were lovers, but since becoming lovers, so much of my woman’s life has changed because she finally had the support she has desperately wanted from those around her, yet another reason why she was so heavily conflicted too. Yes, my woman can be flaky at times, but it is usually in a good way & she doesn’t normally react the way that she did when I originally posted my post, which threw me off! But one thing is for sure, we have had some long conversations & one thing we’ve both looked at is the fact that our relationship as a whole has had a number of hurdles in it where we’ve overcome them, but then having my health decline the way it has? She doesn’t handle death well, plain-&-simple, & then staring at the fact that things have been as bad as they have with me, of course she didn’t handle that well at all with all that we’ve done together. But also the positive impact that I have had on her life as a whole.
She sometimes undervalues herself in regards to her own impact & importance TO MY LIFE & HOW MUCH SHE IS NEEDED IN MY LIFE, which is why she couldn’t understand why I’d reacted as strongly as I did, especially with the horoscope reading. But once we talked & all I had to do was just be honest about it, she understood then just how much she means in my life where in her previous relationships? Especially being from where she is from, where appearance is more important than substance. And saying that you are going to “be there” is more important than “being there”. So people tend to undervalue or even devalue one another & move on, instead of stopping & saying “Hey, why did you just do that, that hurt.” & then making it clear “Cut that out or you can go on about your business.” It is one of the reasons, main reasons, why I haven’t been to see her in her homeland. Hey, I’m certainly not going there with the whole fraud-a----- US policy of bringing people freedom while stealing their oil. Because that’s just wrong. Me? If I’m coming to take your oil, I’m letting you know flat out, batten down the hatches & get your gear on cuz I’m comin to take what you have. I’m could care less about whatever your problem is, you have what I need/want/etc, & I have the means to make a run at it, so I’m gonna take my shot! You get your game up & let’s see what happens!
But I’m not for the backdoor dealing type crap. So I’m not the go along to get along type & I already know that it would lead to trouble at some point. And when I can avoid unnecessary conflicts, I do so, even when it may be “unpopular” or in some cases “problematic for me”. I pick & choose my fights wisely, because I’m not on this earth to be fighting every five seconds. Mrs. Geese is learning how to do that & she’s getting there, but it is not something that is second-nature for her & it does make her uncomfortable. But at the same time she has seen the fact that it has been used against her by people who shouldn’t even be thinking of doing such a thing. It is also part of the reason why my post had an element of over-the-top to them to light a fire under her sexy a--- to get her moving & let her see, that her man is on a limited time-clock with this situation & she didn’t have but so much time to debate or dawdle. And thankfully!? She hasn’t & she didn’t! So things are where they belong again & since the day that I put these post up, we’ve been quickly making inroads back in the right direction where she has been able to SEE, that she actually does matter to me & what she says & does is important & carries weight in our relationship!
It is one of the reasons why I have never taken relationships lightly, but especially when you start talking about long-distance relationships, then add the fact that it is an international relationship to boot. Anyone who decides that being in love is enough, is setting themselves up for failure, because if you don’t learn to understand or LOOK TO UNDERSTAND your significant others homeland & their customs & culture & how they interact & what life has been like for them!? Then you’re guaranteed to fail & F it up at some point! By NO MEANS am I relationship expert, I do all right, but I’m not one for fooling myself either & like I said light-years ago in a post where it was all about, if you are going to do something, THEN DO IT! And give it your honest to god best shot! Otherwise, you should just stick to letting the other person know that you’re not serious or we’re just dating, so they don’t take you more seriously than you actually are. Me & Mrs. Geese have been eyeing a marriage date of when she arrives in March, but it’s too close & we still have visa paperwork & all of that to deal with, so more likely than not, we will get married either late 2013 or in March of 2014. Let me get off of here, because I need to get back to editing & expanding the book we’ve co-written.
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